On Authenticity
Late Night Reflections.
It’s difficult, isn’t it?
To be wholly yourself, when you’ve been told your whole life that you must fit into neat little boxes tied with colour co-ordinated ribbons.
To be brave, but at the same time vulnerable.
To be truthful, but at the same time palatable.
To be professional, but at the same time human.
All my professional life, I’ve internalised the belief that a doctor must be a very certain, specific way.
To never falter. To never show fear. To never… ever, be less than perfect.
It’s incredibly difficult to write this. I can feel the self doubt creeping into my mind, clouding my judgement and freezing my fingers on the keyboard.
No one wants to read this. No one wants to know. No one… cares.
I press on due to one singular belief; in being authentically myself, I may help others to be authentically themselves too.
So here it is, the unvarnished, unequivocal truth:
I am not perfect.
l have flaws.
I have doubts.
I am human.
My late grandfather, a storied General Practitioner, once said that he saw The Divine in each of his patients, and that it was The Divine he chose to serve, through his role as a doctor, every day of his working life.
I can feel the truth in his words as I look back at my own professional life to date.
I remember tiny babies opening their eyes to gaze in wonderment at the world for the first time, to elderly men and women smiling warmly at their loved ones in the twilight of their lives. In each, a spark of light, a brightness that transcends time and space and is permanently etched onto my soul, just for having known them. Just for having been their doctor.
I yearn, not for greatness, fame or power, but for that simple grace. To be able to help the brightness in each patient to shine, and to bear witness to such light myself.
It is my very humanity, those doubts and imperfections, that allow me to see the light in others. And so, it is my very humanity, that allows me to heal and ease suffering.
In being human; in being myself. I can truly be… a good doctor.
Did this resonate, or spark something within you? Let me know by leaving a comment!
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